This was a big year for me. Probably as big as they come. All that other shit people tell you about milestones in your life can kiss this year's ass. Sweet sixteen, fuck you, I was probably grounded for that one. The big One Eight, ooh I can go buy porn and tobacco. Whoopidy-frikin-doo, I was getting high and looking at porn long before that one. Tipsy twenty one, eff you too, my girlfriend (now my wife) was older than me and buying booze a year and half before you came along. Twenty five, well that one was just a complete fucking let down. So what, I can get a better car insurance rate and go rent a damn car (anyone that looks forward to that one should really take a closer look at their life) yee-haw. And due some of the afore mentioned activities I didn't have a high school graduation (by the way, high school was a perfect term for my years at that institution) or college graduation to deal with. Maybe those would've been biggies, but not for this guy.

So yeah, this year was HUGE. The year that your first child is born ranks among the top fucking milestones of all time. Unless you don't have a child then you can pick from one of the above lesser milestones. Or go have a kid. Or just not give a shit. It's really up to you.

Really the only other exciting thing that took place in my life this year was returning to my position in the food chain. Right at the fucking top. I had been a vegetarian for ten years and it all came to a crashing halt this year. I wish I knew why. I really didn't have any aha kind of moment that turned me back into a carni. I really enjoyed being a vegetarian. It got me out of my shell, culinarily speaking. I still love to cook vegetarian, and I still respect the animals and try my best to buy only free range, grass fed, organic animals. But there is still a part of me that feels guilty as hell when I put that meat in my mouth and put those molars to work. I actually blame the skills my father posses', when it come to cooking, for turning me. He makes all sorts of incredible edible meals (actually both my parents are ridiculously talented in the kitchen, my mom is one hell of a baker), but it was his boeuf bourguignon that was the last straw. I had been having some thoughts about the animal kingdom, and then my folks threw a party and served that scrumptious freaking dish. And it only took one smell for me to be transported back to my childhood, coming home from school with a big old pot of the stuff on the stove, that he made the day before, lifting the lid and sneaking out pieces of beef, with it barely making it into my mouth still in tact. Damn that's one good dish. Now I'm hungry, what the fuck was I typing about? Oh right, food. Sorry. So yeah, I started eating meat again. Luckily I have been able to keep to my vow of never returning to a fast food restaurant. If I show up in a McDonald's ever again please just put me in the burner and go sprinkle my ashes somewhere cool.

The rest of the year, up until one particular sixth day of the month, was spent procrastinating on getting stuff ready for the arrival of our baby. Sex still unknown at that point.  Unknown in fact until his little testes popped out. The waiting really was the hardest part. Watching my wife grow that little baby was an amazing thing but, not knowing what was coming our way was tough. Great, but tough.

I still have a hard time believing how incredible the human body is (and every other species for that matter). Growing a child inside you must be among the craziest feeling out there. I can't think of any other feeling that would compare with it. Granted my knowledge on the subject is limited, I still think it's damn freaking crazy that you women folk grow other humans inside of you. I can't help but think of the final scene in Spaceballs every time I see a really pregnant lady. I know that's weird, but it's true.

And then it was practically here. The day we hadn't been preparing for. The fastest nine months of my life. Then came the heavy breathing, the waddling, the pain (my wife felt some of that stuff too), the baby starting to push it way out of a space entirely too small for it to fit through. Hello labor. Kind of. It was a slow start. But then a quick finish. And then -->
(and If I learned anything at all from Zoolander, it's that this kid may very well grow up to be a male model. He made that face within minutes of being born). And then my life changed fooo-revvv-errrrr! In the most incredible way possible.

From that point until this point it has been kind of a blur. The first couple months were just an incredible rush. One of the highest highs I've ever had. I honestly can't put it into words. At least not words worthy of describing something as raw as becoming a new parent. Once those first months passed though I hit my groove. And now I'm just riding the wave of euphoria wherever it takes me.

I honestly can't believe this year is already coming to end. I still think of years in terms of an eight year old. Where one of them seems like ten. And you don't think the end will ever come (not that you care about the end of the year, just the days off from school associated with it). Twenty ten is gonna be a crazy one. I already know it. And I'm excited as hell for it.

And now I have to go because the little monkey is getting mad at me for sitting here typing while he's blowing chunks all over the place.

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