This year will mark the first time in 10 years that I have eaten turkey at Thanksgiving. Nineteen-motherfreaking-nine little birds. That's the last time I devoured your tasty ass'. By T-day the next year I had given up all meat sources and was on my way to the healthiest ten years of my life. Well I guess the healthiest ten years of my life since I decided to choose what was being thrown down that esophageal passageway. It all started (or ended) with one fateful trip (and I stress the word trip here) to Burger King.
So here's how it all went down........
The event: The String Cheese Incident's Dancing Around The Wheel Of Time.
The Place: The Portland Convention Center
It was THE fucking show to be at. If the world was going to succumb to the Y2K madness this is where you wanted to witness it. In a sea of freakiness. And freakiness it was. I won't bore you with all the drug and alcohol induced insanity that took place over the course of the three (or was it four) days up there. I am pretty sure though that if you happen to lick the sidewalk in front of the Convention Center (hey, people do weird shit) that you will be higher than you've been in a looong time. That's just the kind of weekend it was.
So after a long ass weekend of non-stop partying, when finally the morning of January one double-o rolled around we all needed some freaking food. Good, solid, healthy, electrolyte replenishing food. So where else, but to BK of course. I mean where else can you find a nice whole breast (grown in an effing laboratory) chicken breast sandwich for like .42¢? Cooked your fucking way man. So we ventured on down to local BK and ordered up some grub, sat down and started to eat, and then I whistled for a cab and when it came... er, wrong story, sorry. So we sat at our comfy little booth unwrapped our sandwiches and got down on those bad boys. For like a second and a half until the whole roof of my mouth started screaming at me in pain because some how between passing out at 5 in the morning and waking up at 10 in the morning, someone decided to open my mouth and slice length wise with a freaking scalpel. Not cool dude, so not cool. I don't know what the scientific term, for what this is, is. But this is not the only time I have experienced it, so there has to be one. I think it must be some like partiedtomuchanddidn'tdrinkanounceofwaterforthreedays-itis. I'm pretty sure that's it.
So down went the what should have been the best damn chicken sandwich EVER and instead I had to settle for packets of ketchup and honey mustard. Lovely. Just. Fucking. Lovely!
So that was the beginning of the end. It was the last time (and I am DAMN proud to say this) that I have eaten fast food. And from there it all spiraled into a meatless, no-real-need-for-molars-anymore life. And though it was pretty rough at first, after a short while I came to really love not eating meat. I never had even the slightest craving for anything once living and breathing.
We certainly had to work at it to make the pieces fit. I can remember our first year of vegetarianism and fixing meals like organic mac 'n' cheese with tater tots or Morningstar veggie burgers with tater tots or tater tots with tater tots. But once we hit our stride it was all uphill. I came to (in my mind) master the home made veggie burger. I sometimes still make them just because their so damn good. And we saw our Thanksgiving dinners go from nasty ass Tofurky to wild mushroom Wellington's (yes with home made puff pastry).
I don't know what it was that turned me/us back to omnivorous life. I think it all started with seafood and spiraled down to bacon stuffed cheeseburgers. And now with the turkey day approaching I am having my first second thoughts on the whole thing. It hit me all of a sudden that not only was I far more adventurous in my cooking while leading a meatless lifestyle I also felt a hell of lot healthier (and about 15 pounds lighter, but I blame that on fatherhood). Plus, to add some impeccable timing to the whole mix of it Food Inc. found its way into our DVD player last night and now I don't know if I ever even want to eat again (I'm just glad they didn't bash beer in that flick). While I don't think I'm going to completely give up meat again, at least not right now, I am certainly putting a bit more thought into the how much of it. They just make it so freaking easy to eat meat 7 days a week. It really is a terrible industry. But that industry has killed my culinary imagination, and I want it back. Along with my six pack that I hardly had to work for, and not the alcoholic type.
Filed Under
Alcohol,
Beer,
Omnivore,
Thanksgiving,
Vegetarian,
Y2K
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